According to the Buddha’s Four Noble Truths, life means suffering. Speaking personally, I always felt that was  somewhat depressing. Sure, life can be tough sometimes, but are we really doomed to suffer? Motivated by my own misunderstanding, I shelved the whole of Buddhism as yet another nonsense religion devoted to self-hate. I ignored it, and it ignored me.

And then, at the end of 2011, thanks to a kind gift from a dear friend, I was compelled to reconsider Buddhism  — not as a religion, but as a philosophy. This time, something clicked. I began studying zen koans. I started meditating, and doing yoga. It was if I had become an entirely new person after only a few short weeks. In the course of this journey, the good folks at /r/buddhism suggested I read Suffering is Optional: Three Keys to Freedom and Joy by Cheri Huber (illustrated by June Shiver). So I did. Needless to say, this book was a bit unlike my usual fare.

To be clear: I am hardly a Buddhist monk or anything resembling an expert. In many ways I still remain selfish, ego-maniacal, self-obsessed and very, very un-zen. There is still a voice in my head that pushes me to want a giant mansion and a fancy car, and it can be hard to reconcile that reality with a philosophy centered around leaving your ego at the door. That said, even if I never reach enlightenment, I still feel the below lessons might benefit Buddhists and non-Buddhists alike:

1. Pay attention to everything.

Like most spoiled, ungrateful Americans, by the time I was 16, I had a television, stereo and computer — all in my own bedroom. When I came home from school I would quickly flip them all on, and sit there, inundated with noise and distraction, telling myself this counted as “homework.” When visiting my family I still find it funny how similar we can be — sitting around a television, each of us using a laptop or mobile phone at the same time.

It can be tempting to cling to claims of “multitasking,” but the reality is, multitasking is a myth. There are exceptions to every rule, but most of us could not recall the what is being said on a TV show and the lyrics of a song on the radio while focusing on a computer. We can quickly switch between tasks, giving the illusion of multitasking, but in reality we are simply putting a third of our effort towards three tasks simultaneously, or more likely, ignoring the tv and stereo altogether, leaving them on for “noise.”

It is impossible to pay attention to everything while multitasking. Paying attention requires you to turn the devices off and just sit there for a moment. Pay attention to your breath. Pay attention to your tongue as it rolls around in your own mouth. Pay attention to the subtle delight of wiggling your toes. You are a miraculous machine, filled with millions of subtle sensations every moment of every day — but you miss the gross majority of them because you are distracted.

The first step to enlightenment? Pay attention!

2. Believe nothing.

It has been said to keep an open mind — just not so open that your brain falls out. I think this is good advice. Sadly, we are still filled with assumptions, prejudices, and beliefs on which we base every decision we will ever make, but hopefully, by remaining mindful of this, we can better overcome our self-imposed limitations. The following story illustrates this concept beautifully:

Zenkai, the son of a samurai, journeyed to Edo and there became the retainer of a high official. He fell in love with the official’s wife and was discovered. In self-defense, he slew the official. Then he ran away with the wife.

Both of them later became thieves. But the woman was so greedy that Zenkai grew disgusted. Finally, leaving her, he journeyed far away to the province of Buzen, where he became a wandering mendicant.

To resolve for his past, Zenkai resolved to accomplish some good deed in his lifetime. Knowing of a dangerous road over a cliff that had caused the death and injury of many persons, he resolved to cut a tunnel through the mountain there.

Begging food in the daytime, Zenkai worked at night digging his tunnel. When 30 years had gone by, the tunnel was 2,280 feet long, 20 feet high, and 30 feet wide.

Two years before the work was completed, the son of the official he had slain, who was a skillful swordsman, found Zenkai out and came to kill him in revenge.

“I will give you my life willingly,” said Zenkai, “only let me finish this work. On the day it is completed, you may kill me.”

So the son awaited the day. Several months passed and Zenkai kept on digging. The son grew tired of doing nothing and began to help with the digging.

After he had helped for more than a year, he came to admire Zenkai’s strong will and character. At last the the tunnel was completed and the people could use it and travel in safety.

“Now cut off my head,” said Zenkai, “my work is done.”

“How can I cut off my own teacher’s head?” asked the young man with tears in his eyes.

The son of the official came expecting revenge, believing in an entire set of assumptions that turned out to be totally false. By checking those beliefs at the door, the son was able to find a new mentor.

3. Don’t take anything personally.

I spend a lot of time in my own head, over-thinking mundane situations. Despite a sometimes brash personality, I am at heart a very shy person. When walking into a group I am never sure what to do with my eyes; when surrounded by new people I am always secretly terrified. I tend to dwell on tiny details, the sorts of things no one else would ever notice — a small crack in my voice, a slight stumble in my step — I examine these details again and again and again, all the while belittling myself for being so stupid.

But wait a second — in this very article I suggested we should pay attention to everything. Doesn’t everything include these mundane little details? Yes, it does. However, we must also remain mindful of the third key to happiness: don’t take anything personally.

Just imagine the ego involved here. When I trip slightly, my face flushes, and my neck itches. For a brief moment I am 100% sure that I am the only human who has ever stumbled before. Furthermore, for that brief moment, I am 100% sure that everyone in the entire world is watching me.

The ego is a crafty little bastard, always eager to make everything about itself. Your friend didn’t answer the call? The ego whispers: “they are ducking your call,” even though they are busy taking a shower. A cute girl walks by without making eye contact? The ego whispers: “you’re a loser and she knows it,” even though she’s just preoccupied. Your spouse is in a bad mood this morning, sulking in their coffee? The ego whispers: “they don’t love you anymore,” when the simple truth is, they need more sleep.

To recap: pay attention to everything, but don’t take everything personally. If these Buddhists are to be believed, that ego is only a tiny piece of the whole you.

Want to read the book? Want to support your friends at 3 Things I Learned? You can do both at once when you order “Suffering is Optional: Three Keys to Freedom and Joy” via Amazon.com. Got no money for books? Get it at your local library instead.

Here at 3 Things I Learned we publish a new article every Saturday. Make sure to subscribe to our RSS feed or subscribe via email or like us on Facebook so you don't miss anthing.

Looking for more books on spirituality? Check out “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle or “Buddhism Without Beliefs: A Contemporary Guide to Awakening” by Stephen Batchelor. This article included references to Buddhism, Cheri Huber and hopefully that will impress the nice folks at Google.

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